It’s no secret that I believe in energy. I think maybe that has something to do with my (perverse?) love of storms. I remember being little and watching my dad during crazy lightning storms in Kansas. He would stand out on the front porch, just watching, transfixed as the sky cackled and boomed before exploding into bursts of light. My mom was afraid it was scaring me, but I found his serenity calming. It was something out of The Tempest.
The last few days in Colorado have been a whirlwind of thunderstorms, hail, and even tornados. As alarms sounded and weather alerts warned to run for shelter, I found myself giggling, almost maniacally, and running instead to the nearest rooftop/balcony/porch I could find to get a better view. There is crazy energy in the air during a storm, and tonight, after I was fairly certain the hail had passed, I decided to go out for a run and see if I couldn’t soak some of it in.
I like to run at night because I find it to be more meditative than in daylight. I’m not as distracted by cars or other people passing. I have an easier time getting lost in my own thoughts (and let’s face it, that’s rarely a productive activity in its own right). Tonight, with the energy of the storms still pulsating, I got to thinking about my own energy and how it affects the world around me.
Science diagrams won’t help me here, nor will a bunch of fluffy quotes from The Secret (which to the shock of many I have never actually read). Instead, I like to use the visual of warm breath on a cold day. When you step outside and let go of that first exhale, you can see your breath form a cloud in front of you. It sort of hovers there, unsure of its own direction, before dispersing into the air around you, thinning into a light veil until you can no longer tell it apart from the air that stood there before. When you breathe in again, you may not even recognize the trace particles of that first exhale being recycled through your lungs.
I don’t believe in karma in the traditional sense, but I perceive it to work more like that breath into the cold. If I breathe in and out in accord with my intentions, if I breathe out good, then that is what I surround myself with. That good is not always going to be present in my next breath, but it sure as hell is out there, and it will be in someone else’s.
There have been a few situations lately where I found myself wondering how on earth I ended up being so lucky. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t believe in luck. The idea of luck, in my opinion, seems to downplay the influence we all have in manifesting our own realities. I don’t mean this to imply a lack of gratitude, because I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the beauty that surrounds me. I don’t believe I could ever deserve all that I have been given, but I can try my best to earn it. I want to be worthy of my incredible friends who inspire and empower me every day. I want to be worthy of family that loves me unconditionally. I didn’t earn this body that serves me even when I don’t respect it, but with every breath I suck in as I run farther than I thought I would tonight, I am grateful for the opportunity to fill it with purpose, to fill it with good, and send it back out into the universe to surround me with my own intention.
I don’t believe in karma, but I believe in my intentions. I believe in my breath. I know my tiny brain could never fully comprehend the workings of the universe, but I do know that I exist in it, and therefore I am a part of it. As I see it, the universe doesn’t work for or against you, it just works with its most active participants.
Or at least, that’s what I like to believe after soaking in a storm.